It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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