the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Actions speak louder than pants.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
