I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
