you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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