the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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