Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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