Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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