is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Less talking, more tequila
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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