i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How external is "for external use only"?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
