Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
