at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
