Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
