You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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