zippers are such a cool invention
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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