dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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