I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
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