pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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