You're completely useless in the revolution.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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