but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
