so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
