We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
honey bunches of taint.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
