What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
