Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
