just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
