I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
