Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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