I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
