Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Everyone says I win the strip club
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
