I didn't shave. On purpose
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
