so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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