no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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