I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
