dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you didnt know i had herpes?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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