I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
