i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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