I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize