Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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