This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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