Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize