Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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