I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
