Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
