At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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