oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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