please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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