Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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