all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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