just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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