Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
