I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
