I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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