She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
