Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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