Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
