I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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