I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
