All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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