You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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