She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
