I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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