we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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