is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
