It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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