I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
