If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
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We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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