I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
too bad you live with your parents still
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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