I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
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Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
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HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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