allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
